As a surprise to probably no one, I’ve already written at length about the policies I would implement as a dictator. That essay was somewhat tongue-in-cheek but as I’ve found myself repeatedly reeling over the decay and decline all around me, my mind keeps wandering back to how I’d address and eradicate it if I ever had the opportunity.
I’ve already explained that it’s difficult to imagine myself as a dictator because I just don’t think I have the disposition for it. I’m awkward, and not in the cute, quirky Instagrammable way. I’m the kind of awkward that had people asking me if I was autistic before everyone seemed desperate to diagnose themselves with it and wear it like a badge of honor.
I could advise a dictator; I could write a dictator’s speeches; but I doubt I have what it takes to rally the masses around my personality even if I know they’d like my ideas. Or warm up to them eventually.
That being said, maybe America’s future Caesar reads my Substack. And maybe they’re open to suggestions.
Obviously, mass deportations would be a priority, and one of the first changes I’d make would be a volunteer contingency of ICE similar to the National Guard and Army Reserves, allowing people to serve part time without having to uproot their families or give up their careers.
I’d also institute some kind of GI bill equivalent to create a lower barrier of entry for homeownership and incentivize recruitment and retention for agents.
I thought about shipping hippos to the Rio Grande but I assume the ecological costs would be too high.
A 20 year immigration moratorium is also a bare minimum. Maybe we can discuss a refugee program for the hot, tall, and/or rich when the time is right.
I also wonder if it would make sense to invert our current system, so that the tax burden is shifted from natives to newcomers. Like, what if instead of these massive welfare programs for everyone and their uncle got here yesterday, taxes started off at 35% for all foreigners, and went down 5% with every generation they remained in the country until it reached the 10% flat tax that applied to the rest of the population, with the understanding that any crimes or exploitation would result in their immediate deportation?
But I think America has a lot of problems we can’t deport or border wall our way out of.
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what do you think?