This isn’t really about Taylor Swift, her fans or her critics. But fair warning, I’ll be chastising and defending them all, so bear with me. It’s about who we’re supposed to be and who we’re supposed to trust.
You know that feeling you get at a brunch where one girl spends like 20 minutes explaining how she learned she was allergic to whipped cream when she was 22 or how long it took her to find parking as if it were a Greek epic, and to her, it’s a fascinating and captivating anecdote, but you’re begging God to send a waiter, a flood – anything to put an end to the least interesting Ted Talk you’ve ever heard?
That’s how I feel when Taylor Swift is trending.
I don’t have some deep seated hatred for her, I don’t wish ill on her, but every time she goes on tour or releases a new album, my entire social media feed begins to feel like I died, went to hell and am being held captive at the worst brunch in the world.
So when she announced her engagement I was annoyed, not because I held anything against her personally, but because I knew the unhinged fanaticism that surrounded her concerts and music would dull in comparison to what was to come.
Some people have been using her engagement as proof in hope, love, and that “women have time.” Others have chosen to focus on her age, speculate about her fertility, and warn against using her as an example of what will work for women in the real world.
And weirdly enough, I think everyone’s kind of right and everyone’s kind of wrong.
I remember this woman that I knew in DC posting a picture of magazine covers on display that all happened to feature women over 40. The caption she shared was something along the lines of “reminder that women can live their best lives no matter how old they are,” emphasizing beauty and physical appearances that seemed to defy their maturity. But I remember thinking “if you have to rely on a rich celebrity with access and resources you’ll never have to ‘remind yourself’ of anything, does it actually apply to you, and does it make sense to live your life like it does?”
I’m not saying we can’t learn from them and I’m not saying they can’t inspire us, but they shouldn’t delude us.
Biology does matter – and too many women have been lied to about it. Too many women were told that true freedom was found in professional pursuits, that motherhood was more of a burden than a blessing, that their 20s were about “finding themselves,” that they had all the time in the world.
Women should understand reality, and we should know that a pop star’s happily ever after has little, if anything, to do with our own.
But understanding what’s realistic doesn’t mean limiting God’s work to those constraints, and so many people seem blind to the difference.
I think that the earlier people find love, the better. But I also don’t think that early marriage should be pursued for its own sake, as some sort of traditionalist virtue signal or desperate insurance plan.
Early marriage is ideal but life is not, and I’m exhausted with these boring, reductionist rants implying that a woman loses all of her value after her brain finishes developing, that if she hasn’t found love by a certain age she should give up on it entirely and find some warm body with a stable job or resign to an empty, purposeless life surrounded by cats and drowning in wine.
Can you imagine God talking to a woman the way so many “Christian conservatives” do?
Satan was able to introduce sin into the world by convincing Adam and Eve that God was withholding something good from them and they had to take it for themselves. It’s a lie he’s still telling today. When Christians lecture single women, driving them to fear over their futures not from a place of love or concern but of accusation and scarcity, whether they realize it or not, I think they’re doing the devil’s dirty work.
The devil wants us afraid. He wants us panicking, and stressing, and doubting God’s care or character because that’s where he has the most opportunity.
To suggest that women should be more concerned with their ticking biological clocks than God’s timing is to encourage idolatry and spit in the face of our Creator.
It’s one thing when it comes from secular “red pill” types. That I can make sense of. But when it comes from Christians, it breaks my heart because they lack an understanding in our Father that should be at the foundation of their faith.
None of us are guaranteed easy lives. As culture changes, so do our problems. But no matter the challenge and no matter the century, God tells us to hope. He tells us to believe in Him to do what seems impossible, to restore what seems broken beyond repair and transform beyond our understanding.
It’s the kind of faith that Jesus calls by name.
The bleeding woman. The blind men. The demon possessed daughter.
People suffered – sometimes from birth – without a reason to believe their circumstances could or would improve. But they turned to Jesus without cynicism, without pride and without fear – knowing who He was and what He was capable of.
At different points in our lives, something will feel out of reach. Whether it’s romantic love, fertility, health, professional success, stability, mental peace or something else entirely, I want people to have hope.
I want people to know that their conditions aren’t necessarily life sentences, and their present pain can’t compare to God’s plan.
But when women are celebrating Taylor Swift’s engagement because they think it’s a sign about what’s possible in their own lives, they’re trusting in the right things for the wrong reasons.
Believe it’s not too late. Believe in relationships that mean something. Believe that real love doesn’t have an expiration date.
But that hope should be anchored in the Alpha and the Omega – not a billionaire that makes music for bad commercials.
You’re free to rejoice in Taylor Swift’s engagement, but it shouldn’t reassure you about what’s possible in your own life. If you’re anxious about your future and feel your faith faltering, close Instagram and open your Bible.
what do you think?