It might not come as a surprise to you that I’ve been asked more than once if I’ve ever considered running for office, but it might surprise you to learn that the answer has always been an immediate and resounding “no.” The only way I’d ever be interested in political power is as a dictator, because it’s the only way I feel I could be truly effective. As much as I admire our founders and the vision they laid out for our country, the entire system has been hijacked and corrupted, and while I’m optimistic about what Trump can and will accomplish upon his return to office, I know I don’t have the patience or skill to debate with retards and communists holding our government hostage about why we shouldn’t be spending ten trillion a year on helping paraplegics transition in developing countries, or accept it as a victory when we reduce it to seven trillion.
I also don’t know if I have what it takes to be a successful dictator, because I’m too socially awkward for that. I feel like dictators have to have a kind of natural charisma, allure and energy that invigorates the people around them to the point that they don’t care about taking an ideological sledge hammer to everything they’ve known and throwing the dice on some rando. That’s not my vibe. I feel like I’m the kind of person that you meet at a social setting, and I don’t talk much because I’m stressed out and overstimulated. But the more we run into each other and have the opportunity to hang out 1-1, you slowly but surely realize I’m actually a delight. But I feel like dictators can’t be slow burners. Maybe I’d be better off as a dictator’s advisor.
Some of this may sound harsh, but maybe that’s what America needs at this point. If there’s anything we should have learned about libtards in the last century or so, it’s that when you give them an inch, they’ll take a marathon. Did you know that when the idea of income tax was introduced in the 1920s, it was at 1-2%, and was only supposed to be for the very richest of the rich? You can’t deal with them like they’re reasonable or well intentioned, because while they can be as individuals, the drivers of the ideology are not, and never have been. We’ve ruled with a polyester mitten for so long…maybe it’s time to rule with an iron fist. Or at least a gold bedazzled one.
But anyways, if for some reason I found myself at the head of a regime, this is some of what I’d have in store.
- The vast majority of modern art installations would be destroyed and melted down for military equipment or building materials.
2. We need to bring back the stocks. And when I say stocks, I mean this.
There’s way too little accountability and shame in this world. If you sleep with your best friend’s boyfriend, you’re not getting a podcast, you’re putting your head through a hole! In a prominent location! The townspeople can throw tomatoes if they so choose!
4. Burning the American flag would be illegal, and would be grounds for deportation. Libtards and mentally weak moderates insist that if you really care about the Constitution, you have to allow it but actually, you don’t, because A) that’s a psyop and B) the people that hate the American flag hate the free speech it represents, and would gladly revoke yours without a second thought. Grow up.
5. The schizophrenic pride flag with the yellow triangle, and the trans arrows next to the black and brown arrows would be banned without exception, and being caught with one outside of a history class or a museum could land you in jail for up to 5 years.
6. Not a penny more to another foreign country. Not Ukraine. Not Israel. Not Uganda. None. There is literally no reason that Americans should be struggling to afford basic necessities while having upwards of 40% of their income extorted and sent to lands most of them will never see.
7. I would ban pickleball outside of senior living/physical therapy facilities. I’ve already explained this at length, but long story short, America will never reach its full potential if her hot, young and able bodied continue playing this geriatric imitation of a sport.
8. Extreme height gap relationships will be banned. If the girl is shorter than the guy’s shoulder without heels, sorry, but it’s time for you both to move on. Every time I’m in an airport I realize how short this country is getting, because there are swaths of adult munchkins on legs the length of rulers in my way. We have to make America tall again, and that means that men over 6 feet have to stop procreating with keebler elves. I know what you’re thinking…Seijah, you’re not even tall. But this is what real allyship looks like.
9. We need to reopen the asylums, because a great deal of our fellow citizens unfortunately belong in them.
10. Every politician, every pundit, every donor, every paper pusher, every bureaucrat involved in stealing the 2020 election and forcing experimental vaccines on the American population will be sentenced to clean dishes and scrub toilets at Mar-a-Lago forced to wear signs that say ‘TRAITOR, DO NOT TIP’ until they keel over and die.
11. Dubstep will be banned in public spaces. RFK Jr. isn’t in office yet. I’m too poor for Ozempic, and even if I could afford it I don’t trust it. If I want to like my body, I have to work out and pay attention to what I eat. A perversion of justice, I know. So imagine what it feels like, as a taxpayer and law abiding citizen, doing your best to defy the obesity epidemic – and without any shortcuts – and being accosted by that genre of “music,” so loud and abrasive that neither Beats nor Airpod Maxes can successfully drown it out. I shouldn’t have to live like this. None of us should.
12. It’s time to make English the national language, because until we do, progressives will keep using it as an excuse to stifle assimilation. If you’re going to come to America with no intention of returning to your country of origin, you need to adapt. Why is it that American tourists visiting foreign countries for two weeks, contributing to their economies, are berated and derided for not learning a new language ahead of a vacation, but foreigners can live here entire lifetimes never learning the prominent language, and it’s accepted? It’s a rhetorical question. I may make an exception for Hialeah because I appreciate what Cubans have contributed to this country in vibes. But that’s it.
13. On that note, you know that inscription on the Statue of Liberty that says “give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses” that leftoids think is supposed to dictate immigration policy? I think it’s time for an update. No more charity immigration. We’ve taken more than our fair share of the tired, poor and huddled. After four years of Biden, Americans are tired, poor and huddled. Let’s get some hot people, some rich people, some people easy to integrate into society.
14. Hideous, soulless, cheap, boxy architecture will be banned, and the federal government will work with state and local leadership to address the existing abominations building by building and brick by brick. I assume some can be made better with relatively minor and inexpensive projects, some will require intensive renovations, and some will need to be torn down in their entirety. It will easily be one of the most expensive undertakings of the regime, but it will seem like chump change compared to what we’ve spent on wars that have nothing to do with us.
15. No more roaming homeless. If you’re living on the street and not a shelter, it’s likely because you’re an addict and/or severely mentally ill. In that case their options are going to an asylum, rehab, or jail. But there’s nothing compassionate or enlightened about letting the poorest of the poor rot in public — or forcing everyone else to navigate it. I’d also invest a significant amount of funding to improving homeless shelters to make them safer, more comfortable, and ensuring that the people that genuinely want to get back on their feet have the support they need to do so.
what do you think?