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dating/love/lack thereof lifestyle

“Christian” Podcasters & Their War On Women With Fully Developed Brains

Like most people, I have a love/hate relationship with social media. I love it for the memes, the schizophrenic health advice, and niche history. But I also staunchly believe that the internet is distorting the way most people think and interact with one another for the worst, and I don’t know if there’s anywhere it’s more obvious than gender/dating/relationship discourse.

 

The loudest and most prominent voices on the subject are without question the most unhinged.

 

Of course, there are always half truths and nuggets of wisdom buried in these deranged diatribes.

 

I actually share some beliefs with these people.

 

I think that the younger people find love and get married, the better. 

 

I think the vast majority of women will find more fulfillment in raising families than in their professional pursuits.

 

I think that the further we try to remove sex from God’s design, the more misery and human suffering we invite into the world.

 

But I also think that the self-professed Christian men using statistics and “red-pill,” manosphere talking points to belittle and scare women are doing so under false pretenses, and have a very limited understanding of the God they claim to serve.

 

Don’t get me wrong – I think that women need and deserve the truth.

 

Women should understand our biology. We should understand the risks that come with every choice we make. To put things simply, we should understand reality. Most women want to get married and have kids, and we have to understand how our decisions can interfere with reaching those goals.

 

Of course, all of this can be explained in a helpful and dignified way. But of course, that’s not the way podcasters and tik tokers choose to share their opinions. And maybe they’re just after the clickbait bucks – but again, when they claim to do this as “men of God,” they lose all credibility.

 

A man of God might tell you that finding a husband and having kids is more important than what you do for work, and he might tell you that it gets harder to do the older you get. A man of God won’t lie to you about the nature of the world. But a man of God will not degrade you, dismiss your pain, or assume it’s self inflicted without evidence. A man of God wouldn’t incite anxiety or fear, telling women that they can only retain any value or lead meaningful or joyous lives if they secure a husband by 30. And above all, a man of God wouldn’t suggest that our “timelines” are more important than God’s plan. 

 

A man of God, that has actually spent time trying to understand God’s Word, would never suggest that you can barter chastity, modesty, femininity or obedience in exchange for what you want, but that’s exactly what so many of these provocateurs imply.

 

They act like the only way a woman can end up alone past a certain age is because she was a career obsessed whore that turned down all the “nice guys” for casual trysts with “Chads.” I’m sure that caricature exists for a reason, and I know that exceptions to a rule don’t negate a rule. I understand that as a right-of-center woman, I probably have a skewed population sample. But I literally can’t think of a single woman I know in real life that stereotype applies to. Not to mention some of the most promiscuous women I knew in my 20s are married or engaged now, making that belief system all the more absurd to me.

 

People have a lot of different theories about why romance, commitment and marriage have been on the decline. Personally I think a lot of it has to do with women being financially independent. For most of human history, marriage has been more about security for women than love, and everything comes at a cost. Marrying for security often meant sacrificing real connection, waiting for genuine connection often means never marrying at all. And no matter what the girls in Little House on the Prairie dresses say, sorry, not sorry, but I’m grateful that I grew up in a time where I didn’t have to marry some annoying creep old enough to be my dad when I turned 20 because I didn’t manage to find the love of my life when I was a teenager. But I digress.

 

Suffering and heartache are hardwired into the human experience. Grief, loneliness, betrayal, poverty, illness…it’s all suffering. And we’re all doing it all the time. And like Job’s friends, we have a natural inclination to wonder why it’s happening. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s healthy to ask questions, to examine our behaviors, to hold ourselves and the people we love accountable. It’s important to be honest about if and how we’re contributing to our own misery.

 

But at the end of the day, there’s only so much we can control. No blessing – including marriage – is earned.

 

God gives and takes as He sees fit, and it almost never makes sense as it’s happening. I remember venting to these Christian women about a heartbreak and one of them saying something along the lines of “God will allow you to be hurt for your good and His glory” and at the time I was furious. I could immediately feel these angry, hot tears pooling in my eyes. I was in an agony I’d never experienced, and it seemed like there was no end in sight. What kind of God that claimed to love me would do this to me to prove “His glory?” How could this possibly be for my good? And why would He do this to me of all people while He gave morally bankrupt reprobates everything I’d ever asked Him for? I knew I was far from perfect, but I tried a lot harder than they did. How could they deserve what I wanted, and how could I deserve what I was getting?

 

I read a book by the name of When God Breaks Your Heart desperate for answers. It revolves around the parable of Lazarus, and relates Mary and Martha’s emotions to the reader as they grapple with the death of their brother. 

 

The author points out that Jesus once healed a stranger miles and miles away from Him by simply speaking the words “your son lives,” and very easily could have done the same for Lazarus, but didn’t – and that Martha and Mary knew this.

 

When He arrived in Bethany, both sisters said the same thing. “If You had been here, my brother would not have died.”

 

He allowed Lazarus not just to die, but for his body to lay in the tomb for four days. He was dead dead. And remember, this was the pre-central air, pre-refrigeration, pre-funeral home era. I imagine the decomposition process was much more dramatic and rapid. They were hesitant to move the stone even after Jesus told them to because of the smell they were anticipating.

 

And that made it all the more miraculous when Lazarus emerged from the tomb.

 

Something that strikes me about John 11 is when Jesus tells His disciples that Lazarus is asleep even though he’s actually dead. I don’t know if I’m overthinking it or this is a completely unoriginal thought, but it’s significant to me that Jesus describes the most permanent and devastating occurrence for us as something temporary and fleeting. And I think that’s why it’s so important to trust Him. God sees things from an entirely different perspective, and recognizes the mountains we think we face as the molehills they are. That’s not to say that our feelings don’t matter or that our trials aren’t real – but we will never be able to process what’s happening to us with the clarity or truth of our Savior.

 

It’s easy to mindlessly repeat cliches about God’s perfect timing, and it can feel dismissive and trite to hear when you’re struggling. But the story of Lazarus should remind us all that “God’s perfect timing” isn’t a slogan – it is a promise.

 

Mary and Martha felt just as abandoned and confused as we do. They didn’t understand why Jesus would let this happen when He could have so easily prevented it. He let Mary and Martha experience tremendous loss, and waited so long to travel to Bethany that they’d abandoned all hope. And then in His truly perfect timing, performed a miracle so seemingly impossible that no could watch and question God’s greatness.

 

“This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God”

 

I didn’t want to hear it at the time, but that girl was right. God will hurt you for your good and His glory.

 

If you’re a single woman over a certain age, I won’t tell you there’s nothing wrong with you. I don’t know you. But I don’t know how a “Christian” podcaster that reads the same Bible I do can tell you graphs and charts will determine your fate as if we serve a God of statistics, and not a God with a well documented history of defying them. I don’t know what God has in store for any of us. All I can tell you is that God knows you, God loves you, God has a plan for you and His timing supersedes yours and the bozos prattling on Spotify. 

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