entertainment/pop culture

Jonah Hill & His Ex Both Suck

If you would have told me last week that I’d be writing two blog posts back to back on celebrity relationships, I wouldn’t have believed you…but here we are.


In case you’re a person that touches grass and finds yourself living in blissful ignorance of the Discourse of the Day, Jonah Hill found himself in hot water after his ex girlfriend posted screenshots of text exchanges they shared while dating.


Now, I know this might be controversial, but I think they’re both insane, they’re probably terrible partners and they’re both everything I hate about the therapy industrial complex.


The way Jonah Hill’s ex is talking about herself, her ex and their relationship is absurd. 


She’s the reason I’ve rolled my eyes at phrases like “emotional abuse” for most of my life.


Abuse is a serious word with serious implications. You can’t throw it around every time you feel slighted or even mistreated.


I went to her Instagram profile, and it’s pretty obvious that she’s trying to milk these 15 minutes of fame for everything she can get out of them. She’s positioning herself as some kind of feminist icon, trying to “inspire other women,” some sort of “voice for the voiceless,” and I’m not trying to be malicious, but it’s the laziest attempt to disguise egocentrism as altruism that I’ve seen in a while.


While I don’t condone Jonah’s behavior, I don’t think of her as a victim.


The timing of her stunt feels especially suspicious considering Jonah’s current girlfriend gave birth to their lovechild a month ago, and the rationale she’s offered for why she’s choosing to share now is flimsy at best. She said she’s tired of “dancing around the issue” and that people ask her a lot about him, but none of that really explains why she’s turned this to a public audience and shared her private life with millions of strangers. 


I hate the way people pretend to know what someone they’ve never met is thinking, or what their motivations are…but let’s be realistic. Nothing about this seems coincidental. I’m the most financially stressed I’ve been in my adult life, and I’d bet my next paycheck in its entirety that she’s lashing out in reaction to her ex having a baby with someone that isn’t her.


I’m a woman, I get it. But hurt feelings don’t make what she’s doing any less petty. Just because I can understand where she’s coming from doesn’t mean what she’s doing is right.


I think she’s immature, I think she’ll eventually regret making this spectacle, and I think she’s attention seeking and calling it activism.


But I don’t think Jonah Hill is any better, and the people pretending there was nothing wrong with how he conducted himself are driving me insane.


My understanding is that Jonah met his ex in the first place by DMing her one of her own pictures and sending a subsequent heart eye emoji.



Side note, I hate when guys do this, and so do most girls. Why are you DMing me my own picture? Why are you afraid to simp for me in public? Are you afraid of being ignored? Men used to go to war and you can’t comment on a picture? Where’s your gall? Where’s your sense of adventure? I’m mostly joking, but still.


Anyways, I digress.


The real issue here isn’t Jonah pulling one of the most emasculated Instagram moves in the books. 


The issue was that he knew what he was getting himself into. He saw her feed clear as day, and the very pictures he wanted to prohibit her from posting are what drew him to her in the first place.


I understand that human emotions rarely make sense, and Jonah Hill may not have anticipated his change in attitude in pursuit of his ex versus being in a committed relationship with her. And I think there was a fair and reasonable way to discuss his change in attitude, and work towards a real solution that considered both of their feelings. But that’s not what he did.


He used canva infographic therapy speak to dress up his list of demands to seem like something other than what it was. And make no mistake, it wasn’t a levelheaded request from a guy simply “drawing his boundaries.” It was a glorified temper tantrum drenched in neurotic insecurity from a whiny controlling former fat guy. I note that he was formerly fat not because I’m trying to belittle him, but because I think that’s honestly where a lot of his romantic paranoia comes from. He sandwiched his pointed criticisms and ultimatums between sentiments like “I want you to be happy” and “you only have one life” to make himself seem like the good, patient “nice” guy when he was nothing of the sort.


Standards are fine, and boundaries are fine, and when it comes down to it, Jonah doesn’t really owe any of us an explanation of his. There are elements of what he said that seemed like perfectly rational asks. If you are in a relationship, what you post should take that into account. But when you look at the situation as a whole, it’s difficult to justify his behavior. I don’t care what kind of desperate spin you try to put on it; no well adjusted person demands the surfer they literally met on Instagram stop posting pictures and videos of them doing their job.


I think a certain amount of jealousy in a relationship is healthy and kind of hot. But whatever Jonah was going through was far beyond that threshold. 


Both of them probably sucked as partners, but for some reason, the Internet hates measured evaluation and insists on siding with one of these extremely deranged people.


I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again, but social media is making everyone so weird. It’s not just women and it’s not just men, and it’s not just the right and it’s not just the left. It’s everyone. 


It seems like people feel the need to commit to a hardline stance on every trending topic with no room for nuance or intelligent conversation. People completely abandon their common sense, and dig their heels in on whatever position they’ve taken – usually in a desperate attempt to affirm their worldviews, no matter how clumsy their argument or how poorly the situation at hand fits into a given narrative.


We’re becoming so predictable, so stupid, so tribalistic, and while it may not seem especially consequential while discussing Keke Palmer or Jonah Hill’s love lives, none of this happens in a vacuum. 


When we convince ourselves that everything is a battle of the sexes or ammunition for an ideological agenda, and consequently can only be resolved in extremes, it affects the way we deal with one another in real life.


When you look at how people react to these stories, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise how dysfunctional modern relationships are. The marriage rates and divorce rates suddenly make much more sense.


The feminists that think they understand men and the “red pilled” podcasters that think they understand women are more often than not miserable and broken, and the more influence they amass, the more impressionable young people they encourage to follow in their footsteps, assuming the worst in the opposite sex and shutting themselves off to real love. The longer we allow the most polarizing voices to lead the discussion, the more misery and brokenness we’ll see.



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