Halloween really snuck up on us this year, and if you’re as busy as I am, you’ve found yourself scrambling for a costume as the festivities draw near. Let’s face it; all of the iParties and costume shops are completely sold out of anything worth wearing and nothing you order online will get here in time. But fear not, exhausted politico! These are some simple, affordable costume ideas that can be customized to fit your preferred degree of thottery. Because after all
Hillary’s Deleted Emails
What you’ll need
White clothes
A white poster
Markers (red and black)
A rope (or something to tie the poster board around your neck with)
Get a basic rectangular white poster board and draw lines on it that make it look like an envelope, then write [DELETED] in big, bold red letters. Cut some holes in it for string/rope to tie around your neck, and voila! You’ve got a costume. The white makes it look more intentional and less like something you half assed a half hour before heading to the bar/party.
How to thot it up
A bodycon white dress OR if you’re feeling extra thotful, a white bralette/crop top and a tutu.
Basket of Deplorables
What you’ll need
A big basket (straw or fabric will probably be easiest to work with)
A shirt you don’t care about
Scissors
Markers
Rope (or something comparable to tie the basket to either your neck or arms)
A Trump hat (optional)
Cut outs of Pepe the Frog & Trump (optional)
Get a big laundry basket from Walmart or another cheap store and cut a giant hole in the bottom for your legs. Use rope or something comparable so that you will tie to the handles of the basket and either around your neck or arms so that you won’t have to carry it around all night. Write “DEPLORABLE” on a shirt and wear a Trump hat. Decorate the basket with cutouts of Trump and Pepe The Frog.
How to thot it up
Make the shirt a crop top, or for extra thot points where a bralette and write DEPLORABLE on your chest or stomach.
Trump Wall
There are a couple of ways this could be approached.
The lazy way: Get a dress or bodysuit; preferably white, black, gray, brown, nude or red. Get fabric markers or crayons and draw a wall pattern all over it. Feel free to write something like “Make America Great Again,” “Big Beautiful Wall,” or “Mexico Will Pay For It,” on the back or front of the dress. You can find cheap ones that you won’t care about at stores that teen moms with upper lip piercings shop at.
The less lazy way: Use a dress (of the same color palette previously described) that you actually like and find a large piece of fabric/bed sheet of a similar color. Cut it so that you can wear it as an arm cape without it dragging on the floor. Get fabric markers/crayons and draw the wall pattern on the fabric of your cape. Once again, feel free to throw a Trump phrase on the back of that bad boy.
Trump Wall Construction Worker
This could also go a few different ways as well.
1) Trump hat and construction vest.
2) Hard hat and Trump shirt
It’s probably not the best idea for a drunk person to be walking around with construction tools, so unless you’re the DD, leave the hammer at home (but why is anyone DDing on Halloweekend? Get a damn Uber and live your life). Some more realistic accessories would be an empty tool box, construction gloves, or a ruler.
How to thot it up
High wasted denim shorts or very holey jeans/overalls and either a crop top/bralette depending on which approach you chose.
Marco Rubio
What you’ll need
A blazer
A tie
Plastic water bottle
The ability to repeat the same phrase all night
This is probably one of the easiest costumes, and even though only your political friends will get it, they’ll still appreciate it.
How to thot it up
High socks, mini skirt, bralette
Zodiac Killer Victim
What you’ll need
Fake blood or something that will look like it
Fake bruises (optional)
Markers
Wear whatever you want and thot it up as you see fit. Put fake blood/bruises on your face and body. Draw the Zodiac Killer’s signs on your face or body. TADA!!! Teddy Cruz killed you just like his dad killed JFK.
Basement Dweller
What you’ll need
Robe
Bag of chips
Again, extremely straightforward. For some extra points, maybe throw in some Bernie paraphernalia.
How to thot it up
Thigh highs and lingerie instead of pajamas/a big t shirt underneath
Hillary Clinton’s Nurse
What you’ll need
Regular nurse costume
Hillary sticker
If you need me to explain this you probably shouldn’t be on in the internet unsupervised.
How to thot it up
White thigh highs, pumps, show cleave
A Russian Hacker
What you’ll need
A big furry hat
A big furry coat OR trench coat
A walkie talkie and/or earpiece
Brief case (optional)
How to thot it up
I feel like this should be obvious enough by now, but a tight dress or lingerie if you want to go the extra thirsty for attention mile. Thigh highs work too.
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what do you think?