Seeing as I have somewhat of a responsibility to watch the Democratic Debate tonight despite how much my brain cells will suffer, I decided to make it a little more bearable by creating a drinking game. Obviously, I could have gone on forever about the predictable points and one liners that will be made tonight, but there was only so much space.
TAKE A SWIG:
– When Republicans are talked about like Scooby Doo villains that kick puppies and eat babies
– When these nut jobs refer to abortion as “women’s rights” or “reproductive rights” and refer to Planned Parenthood as a champion of those rights
– When they talk about how the rich can afford to pay more, as if Uncle Sam doesn’t already guzzle up almost half of their paychecks
– When the Democratic candidates blame the rich greedy corporations on everything from your wife leaving you to the reason Halloween Whoppers turn your poop green
– When “Chillary” has to assure us that she’s not like other candidates, she’s a cool candidate
– When candidates insist on a “living wage,” whatever that’s supposed to mean, as if businesses don’t need a certain amount of money to sustain themselves either, and ignoring how many people won’t be living on those wages because they got laid off
– When candidates talk about how the rich need to pay their fair share, when they already pay far more than what’s fair
TAKE A SHOT:
– When candidates insist that they will be the ones to lower college costs with more taxation and government spending, ignoring the fact that government involvement is responsible for the skyrocketing costs of college in the first place
– Israel is portrayed as the big mean bully of the Middle East, clearly bombing innocent civilians that totally aren’t actively seeking to destroy Israel and the Jewish people
– Cheap shots are taken at Trump that he will undoubtedly tweet hilarious retaliation to
– Bernie Sanders sympathizes with the obnoxious activists that ran him off of his own stage and Hillary pretends to care to keep up with Bernie
Please drink more responsibly than any of these liberals will spend if elected.