Festivus Airing of Grievances

As much as I love Christmas, I decided to celebrate Festivus this year with the customary Airing of Grievances and tell the world just how much they disappointed me in 2015.

Paul Ryan

There is no republican girl in this country that hasn’t had a crush on Paul Ryan at some point in her life. But sometimes, the things you love the most hurt you most, and all Paulie boy has done since he’s become Speaker of the House is cataclysmically disappoint. From his responses to different issues that have arisen to his disastrous Omnibus bill, I have never been so grieved by someone so beautiful.

Ted Cruz

I’ll be the first to say that Rafael Edward Cruz is the best that the White House can get, and is absolutely what our country needs. But as annoying as the incessant, cheap and lazy Trump bashing gets to me, at a certain point, you’ve got to sack up. There’s a fine line between being smart, strategic, polite, and giving a big middle finger to the Republican establishment and letting yourself be made into a fool.

Carly Fiorina

Even though I don’t care for Carly Fiorina as a presidential candidate, I’ve liked her since the debate at the Reagan Library this summer, where she really made a name for herself. But at the last debate, she was pulling #TotalLibMoves left and right, leaving me unable to take her seriously. You’d think she was at an awards show as much as she was bringing up her gender.

Hillary Clinton

I don’t like Bernie Sanders, at all. But I respect him infinitely more than HRC. As much as I disagree with him on policy, I think that he’s a genuine, good person. In my heart of hearts, I believe that Hillary Clinton is one of the most soulless, evil people that American politics has seen that will do and say absolutely anything for power. The only reason Hillary’s campaign is being vaguely sustained is because she’s a woman and who she’s married to. If you think I’m being sexist, ask yourself how careful everyone besides Donald Trump and Carly Fiorina are in how they address her, and think about whether anyone else would still be running if they had as many scandals or crimes under their belt as she does. The answer is no, and they’d probably be in prison.

Patricia Arquette

At the Oscars earlier this year, a woman worth $24 million had the bravery to stand up for wage equality in a room full of other exorbitantly wealthy morons that rabidly applauded. I really don’t have the energy to explain the nonexistence of the wage gap again, but if a room full of millionaires is the oppressed class in this country, I guess we’re doing something right.

Justin Trudeau

Justin Trudeau is so, so handsome. He looks like the kind, insecure “nerd” way too hot to play a nerd in a terribly written, poorly acted high school rom com from the mid 2000s. And unfortunately, he matches his good looks in idiocy. What he did as Prime Minister with his cabinet was a huge step forward for feminism and a huge step backward for equality- and I hope that at this point, you’ve realized that modern, western feminism has not only nothing to do with equality, but is antithetical to equality. Choosing cabinet members based off of gender and not qualifications demonstrates that you don’t think women are competent enough to achieve without special treatment.

Monica Lewinsky

I’m in politics. I get it. There are a lot of dilffy old dudes with a lot of power and a lot of money, and it’s attractive. But most of them are married, and it’s not like that’s a secret; especially if he’s the leader of the free world. She made her choices, and Bill made his. They have no one to blame but themselves, and I have no sympathy for any parties involved.Spending 2 decades feeling sorry for herself probably wasn’t the most efficient use of her time.

Kiran Gandhi

Kiran Gandhi is the woman that free bled during the London Marathon. Here’s some of what she had to say about it:

“I ran with blood dripping down my legs for sisters who don’t have access to tampons and sisters who, despite cramping and pain, hide it away and pretend like it doesn’t exist. I ran to say, it does exist, and we overcome it every day.”

Call me crazy, but I find it absurd that while feminists insist that women shouldn’t be stigmatized and patronized for having periods, Ghandi, a feminist icon, ran a marathon with the objective of being patted on the back for bleeding once a month.

Amandla Stenberg

In all fairness, I was just as ignorant as Amandla when I was 17, so there’s plenty of time for her to snap out of it. The difference between me being a teenager spending too much time on Tumblr and her being a teenager spending too much time on Tumblr is her audience, and how many people are subjected to her stupidity.

Martin O’Malley + Every Republican nominee that is polling at under 5%