I don’t have it all figured out and I’m not pretending that I do- I don’t even have a boyfriend, but these are a few habits that seem to do more harm than good in retrospect.
STALKING HIM ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Pretty much every straight college aged girl in the United States of America that isn’t Amish or a Quaker or living some other kind of strange alternative lifestyle featured on TLC is familiar with the sensation of becoming interested in a guy, and almost immediately transforming into a CIA qualified detective. We find every last trace of them on social media, and proceed to stalk and analyze like we’re being paid for it. “Omg, he listened to the same song I did on spotify, so basically we should get married and play it at the reception. Omg, he’s a Scorpio so this is definitely going to work. Omg, he went to coachella last year, so he’s not only loaded but he knows how to have a good time but in a down to earth way. He just gets me” — except he doesn’t. As much as we build up guys in our heads and convince ourselves that we’ve got them all figured out after enough “research” we don’t, and we probably never will. We can’t keep falling for the idea of a guy, or the curated images of him that we’ve created and become attached to; we have to get to know the guy for who he is in real life, not online, and only then can we decide if he’s worth the inevitable shit show of infatuation.
Instead of blaming the media’s “unrealistic beauty standards” or the “virgin whore dichotomy” for your romantic troubles, maybe you could try taking some responsibility. As much as guys will ogle and drool over Victoria’s Secret Angels and other hot celebrities, they’re really not that hard to please. If you don’t look like a creature from American Horror Story or a beached whale, you’re already half way there. If you want a conga line of guys going in and out of your cooter, do you, but it’s not society’s fault if you can’t find a boyfriend.
Its 1000% of the time a horrible idea that will end in flames. Just don’t do it. You’re either horny, desperate, making yourself look like an idiot or making yourself look like a psycho. There is nothing more disappointing than piecing together the evidence of the night before only to realize that you called a guy you just started talking to, demanding that he put his unmentionables in your even less mentionables at 3 am. I don’t care what you have to do; delete apps and contacts in their entirety if you must.
HOOKING UP BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO
If you want to hook up, go for it. Carpe diem and carpe dickem. But if you don’t want to, don’t. Everyone from your friends to guys trying to get in your pants will say “it’s college” as an explanation as to why you’re supposed to have mindless sex with people you don’t know or care about, but being in college doesn’t mean you have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. If you feel like you need to sacrifice your morals and do things you don’t want to to keep or get a guy, it’s not the right guy. If your body is telling you yes but your mind is telling you no, go with your mind, because mental satisfaction will always outlast physical satisfaction.
AS IRONIC AS IT SOUNDS COMING FROM ME, LIVING BY THE WORDS OF CORNY 20 SOMETHING BLOGGERS
Just because a girl becomes a contributor on TSM or Thought Catalogue doesn’t mean they have any idea what they’re talking about, or any grasp on reality. I’ve seen some of the most mindless, self destructive thought processes shared virally and showered in accolades. Just because an article or blog post resonates with you doesn’t mean it is exempt from critical thought.