When you lose someone that really mattered to you, dealing with it is never clean cut. When you lose someone that you didn’t know mattered to you, it can be even messier. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; life is rarely as simple as you expect it to be. People die when you least expect it, before you have a chance to say goodbye, or sorry, I love you, or I forgive you.

They die at times that you didn’t think could get anymore chaotic or confusing, and suddenly, there you are with more feelings than you know what to do with. Some wounds never heal, and some heal slowly and crookedly; never quite disappearing for good.

I’m religious, and I know that everyone I’ve lost hasn’t gone on to a better place. If I were to die suddenly while writing this, I know that I wouldn’t be either. But I have time to become a better person, and it’s hard to find comfort knowing that someone I care about doesn’t have that chance. There are no pinterest quotes or funny movies or alcoholic beverages that will dull the image of someone you love in constant, eternal agony.

There is no quick fix for grief, and I’m not sure that it always “gets better” when it comes to these things. You can go months without thinking about it, and one night that’s a little too quiet find yourself sobbing uncontrollably for an hour and a half.

I think part of growing up is accepting life for what it is. There are some things that you will never get over, but with time, just hope to have more control of. You learn that closure is an exception, not a rule, and that you’re lucky if you get it even once in life. As much as you tell yourself to stop thinking about someone or something, the human heart has never been one for taking orders.

There’s little I can say (or that has ever been said for that matter) that can have a meaningful, lasting impression on those that are mourning. A warm bubble bath and a good book, while good distractions, aren’t going to magically eradicate your sorrow. But there is comfort to be found everywhere and in everyone if you look hard enough for it, and if you open yourself to it.

Life is short, complicated and unpredictable. And it goes on whether we like it or not. While you have the opportunity, welcome and harbor as much positivity and kindness that you can.