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18 Truths for College Freshmen

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As Boston floods with freshman and returning college students I thought that I, a bitter, battle hardened senior, would share some pearls of wisdom with the class of 2019.

1. Friendships form and break extremely fast and unpredictably

2. Alcohol is awesome. Ambulance/drinking related medical bills are not. Neither is explaining them to your parents.

3. Don’t complain about the way that upperclassmen treat you. It’s the circle of life. Earn your stripes and shut up.

4. A lot more people are on drugs than you think, and I’m not talking about weed

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5. Communicate with your professors. Don’t wait until it’s too late to ask for help.

6. Don’t actively try to impress/hang out with upperclassmen. They’re predisposed to hate you and you’ll most likely just end up embarrassing yourself.

7. There are worse things in the world to be than a hoe, but it’s vastly overrated in my opinion.

8. If you’re gonna be a hoe, be a safe hoe.

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9. You will get fat if you don’t regulate your diet or exercise. Maybe not this year or the next, but before you know it that snap chat double chin will become permanent.

10. It’s very unlikely that the people that were your closest friends at the beginning of freshman year will be your closest friends at the beginning of senior year.

11. Be somewhat careful.

12. There are some things that being a freshman just isn’t an excuse for.

13. You’re at most a quarter as important as you think you are. No one cares.

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14. We all screw up. Learn from your mistakes, but make peace with them.

15. Concentrate on making memories, not making a name for yourself.

16. Be patient.

17. Take care of yourself.

18. Cherish it. One second you’re a wide eyed freshman Tater Thot™ and the next you’re a bitchy, hysterical senior being dragged kicking and screaming into the world of student loans and actual responsibility.

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