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  • Yes, you should try hard and wear yourself out and challenge yourself and be competitive — and yes, you should chill the f out when you need to and take time to be a lazy piece of shit when you need to for your own sanity. Work smart and remember you’re an actual person with control over your life that’s too smart to let bullshit social media projections dictate your life choices. Thank you for coming to my ted talk!
  • New blog post on why you shouldn’t let the dumb mistakes in your love life (or any other aspect of your life) get you down for too long — link in bio!
  • In honor of the DC open bar Christmas party season officially commencing, here’s a classic
  • Brb suing my great granddaddy posthumously for not passing down this bone structure #youhadonejob #okclearly2
  • Me: I know it’s an open bar, but I think I’ll take it easy and just stick to wine 
My liver, 2 hours later: womp womp
  • Instead of being bitter that I wasn’t blessed with double D’s or pretty eyes I would like to thank my Lord and Savior for the smile that consistently keeps me out of trouble #blessup
  • What’s the over under on me having to spend my bonus on bail for the inevitable day my roommate gets arrested for twerking on the wrong random bystander
  • Shake shack opened a location near my apartment so I’m just looking at my feet while I can still see them before I gain the inevitable 90 lbs