This started as a disclaimer/preface for another blog post, and then it got so long it made more sense to make it a blog post of its own.
I’ll be writing more openly about my walk with God and religion in general on my blog, because while I’m far from an exemplary Christian, I saw something on Instagram that I haven’t been able to get out of my head…
God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
“Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper, David had an affair, Noah was a drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul was a murderer…”
No matter where we are in life or how much we feel we’ve failed as Christians, God can and will use us.
I wrote less in 2022 than than any other year since I started this blog.
I’ve gone through lulls before, sometimes because I was busy, sometimes because I was uninspired and sometimes because I was just plain lazy, but that’s not what happened last year. I don’t know if I’ll ever write about it publicly, but something happened that changed me and my life for the worse.
It wasn’t like when I got fired from my first job, and a year later I was able to see it as one of the best things that ever happened to me. A year out it still hurts me, I can’t make sense of it, and I’m trying my hardest not to be mad at God.
But I digress. Last year I only published 12 blog posts, and 7 of those 12 were before what happened happened. And spending such little time writing just reinforced that it’s exactly what I was put here to do.
As busy as I was last year, I felt idle not writing. I felt like as many well written and reasoned articles as I read, no one was speaking for me. No one was saying what I was thinking, or what I felt needed to be said. It was the first time writing felt like more than something I was good at or something I enjoyed, but something I was supposed to be doing.
I’m out of practice and everything I write sounds elementary and clumsy to me right now, but God really did give me a gift. When I was in the fourth grade I started writing a story in a notebook that my mom thought I’d transcribed from an actual book written by a real adult. 2 years later my English teacher accused me of plagiarizing a creative writing assignment, that she also thought was from a book written by a real adult.
I’m not telling these stories because I’m trying to flex or convince anyone of my talent, but to demonstrate that this isn’t something I was taught. It really is a gift from God, and as hurt as I am, and confused as I am, I realized in all that time I wasn’t writing, and that I was fighting with everything I had to hold onto my faith, I didn’t have to be a perfect Christian to use what He gave me for His glory.
On the rare occasions I have spoken openly about Christianity and my spiritual journey, I’ve gotten overwhelmingly positive feedback and requests for more of it.
And while I’ve been reluctant to do it, it makes sense on some level.
I hesitate to publicly discuss my faith, because I still wear skimpy outfits, I still listen to degenerate music, I still laugh at shows and movies with crude, off-color humor, and I still drink more than I should on occasion. It just doesn’t feel like my place to talk about this stuff.
But in a lot of ways, it’s easier for everyday people that want to grow closer to God to relate to me than it is for them to relate to Allie Beth Stuckey or the kind of people that listen to her on a regular basis.
If you’re a normal person, that consumes normal media, and engages in normal day to day activities, you probably struggle connecting with seemingly picture perfect Christians, or applying what they say to your own life. If someone hasn’t muttered a swear in 5 years, I doubt we have much in common, and while I won’t rule out the possibility of learning from them, I feel like we’re rarely facing the same challenges.
I often find myself asking questions that I don’t think a stronger Christian would ever have. I look to the Bible for answers and struggle reconciling them with what I’m living. But as much as I stumble, I know something’s happening. I know the Holy Spirit is slowly but surely transforming me. And I think the best way I can serve God is to write honestly about trying to bring Him to the center of my life, for other people that want to do the same.
Hearing from people that fall short in plain sight can be useful. It can make things more digestible, and remind people that no matter how far they feel from God, there’s a way back to Him.
what do you think?