I grew up watching Flavor of Love in middle school, Jersey Shore in high school, and Laguna Beach/The Hills between the two, but beyond that, I never really kept an interest in quintessential reality tv. I wasn’t someone who ever got into The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, the only footage I’d seen of any Kardashian franchises was against my will, and for most of my adult life I was more intrigued by Guy Fieri’s Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives than Bravo’s drama, delusion and debauchery.
I can’t explain exactly why or how I decided to start watching Real Housewives for the first time in my late 20s, but I did. And believe it or not, when all was said and done, I didn’t find myself wanting to spend obscenely or start fights with my friends over empty offenses, but instead felt closer to God and affirmed in my faith.
If you’re wondering how these self-obsessed socialites could have had that effect on me, I can explain it with Orange County’s Vicki Gunvalson.
From the very early seasons, we can see that she’s deeply insecure based on the way she reacts to almost every woman younger than her, more conventionally attractive than her, or with more money than her and we can see that she’s desperate for praise and validation. From her husband, from her children, from her mother. She steamrolls her husband, seems fixated on the gap between the way he loves her and the way she wants to be loved (IE showered in compliments, gifts and grand gestures 24/7), and seems to resent the fact that she’s the breadwinner of the family, despite her constant criticism of other women on the show for “depending on men” and living the life she clearly pines for.
While she’s married, another man – able to observe her on television – begins reaching out to her, telling her all the things she wants to hear. And she makes the mistake of measuring what’s standing in front of her and who’s stood by her against empty promises declared on a keyboard by a man she doesn’t know.
There’s a difference between the instant chemistry that causes people to fall hard and fast and someone with a script and an agenda preying on someone they know is going to fall for it. This was the latter.
Eventually, she leaves her husband and immediately starts dating the man that says all the right things for all of the wrong reasons.
Not to sound like an overwrought Sex and the City voiceover, but their early relationship reminded me of a decent knock off bag. To the untrained eye, everything looked good on the surface. But the more pressure you applied, and the further you examined it, you realized that what you thought was leather was actually cardboard and what you thought was platinum was actually plastic.
He had an artillery of lines he was ready and waiting to rattle off, not just to disarm Vicki – but her friends. But everyone else saw through it much more easily than she did.
In a group setting, with most of the other women and their significant others present, he shared, “We send an affirmation of the day via text…A man tells a woman ‘you mean the world to me, I’m gonna shout it to the world.’ Woman tells man, ‘then shout it to the world.’ Man leans over and whispers in her ear, ‘I love you.’”
In the tone of his voice and the timing of his pauses, it was obvious that he thought he’d impress her friends, and they’d fall for his performed “sensitivity” and “sweetness.” But it fell flat.
Her best friend Tamra wanted to be supportive, but early on, she noticed something was off. Right after that scene, in her confessional, she admitted, “I think Brooks is a really nice guy but I feel like half of what he says is bullshit. I feel like he’s just saying things that sound good.” In another scene, she said, “I think Brooks knows that Vicki needs attention but the problem is it’s not authentic.”
She noticed that everything sounded right, but nothing felt right. And every time she tried to ring the alarm, she was shot down and swatted away.
He recognized the threat posed by someone who saw him for what he was, and did his best to ice her out. As soon as it was clear that Tamra wasn’t falling for his knight in shining armor shtick, he started trying to subtly sow doubt in Vicki’s mind about Tamra’s character and motivations. “She’s jealous.” “She doesn’t want you to be happy.” “She’s toxic.”
Questions were raised early on about his finances, what he did for a living, and his intentions.
If it was coming from one person, maybe it could be dismissed as an envious, embittered friend. But her own son-in-law said that on a trip to Mexico, while he was very much so in a committed relationship with Vicki, he was leering at prostitutes.
“[He] looks at me, says ‘I wonder if they’re worth it.’ What the fuck are you talking about? ‘Is what worth it?’ ‘Them.’ And he’s sitting there the whole time, staring them up and down. ‘Mmm, mmm.’ Making these perverse sounds. And he’s looking around at me, giving me the whisper sign – the bro code ‘shh, don’t tell anybody.’ …Vicki won’t listen. I’ve told her…”
Vicki’s own daughter said that her boyfriend told her his nickname was Girth Brooks (a play on country legend Garth Brooks) and tried to show her his penis. Her daughter’s husband also recorded him advising him to start hitting her daughter to “get her in line.”
If anything should’ve broken the spell he had on her, that should have been it. But it didn’t. Even after her level-headed, even-keeled daughter going public with these reputation-ruining allegations, she sided with him, against her own child.
“I felt like he was really, wrongfully accused by Briana. The things she said were not the truth. I listened to the tape and I was disgusted but have I ever said anything I regret? Yeah I have and I think everybody can say they’ve said things they wish they didn’t.”
In the same breath, she accuses her daughter of lying while acknowledging what she heard on a tape, and immediately making excuses for it.
Following intense, public backlash, Vicki “broke up” with him, but was still in constant communication with him, and clearly wanted to get back together, but the only thing holding her back (besides audience opinion) were the boundaries set by her daughter and son-in-law, who swore they’d move out if he ever set foot in her house again.
On their first on-camera date post “break up,” he said “I’m not here to try to win [her daughter] over. That’s not my job. My job is to treat you like you’ve never been treated before.”
Later in the conversation, he asked her, “what did your daughter do to you as an adult?” prompting her to talk about how Briana eloped, knowing it angered and devastated Vicki. Vicki says something like “she got married because she followed her dreams and her heart.” He goes, “Interesting. Can’t she allow you the same thing?”
This was a shameless false equivalence, meant to make her daughter seem selfish and unconcerned with her mother’s needs. But Vicki was upset about her daughter leaving her out of a major life milestone, while her daughter fundamentally disapproved of and distrusted him – not based on isolated incidents, but an established pattern of moral bankruptcy.
On that same date, she asks, “Am I gonna be 80 years old, I lost the love of my life?” Before she can even finish the question, he goes “probably.” He understood her anxieties – and he took full advantage of them. He wanted her to believe that if she didn’t choose him now – over her daughter, over her friends, over her reputation, that she’d spend the rest of her life alone. At the end of this exchange, through tears, she says, “I want a boy in my life.”
God calls us to sacrifice. He tells us that the most important relationship we will ever have is our relationship with Him. But her boyfriend wasn’t pointing her towards God, he was trying to replace God. And unfortunately, he succeeded.
Companionship was her idol, to the point where she was willing to ignore a procession of billboard-sized red flags because she couldn’t surrender to the uncertainty or the discomfort of God’s plan.
And then, when it seemed that Vicki was the only one on the show or in the audience still falling for his lines, he still had one trick up his sleeve. He told the world he had cancer, thinking that would force them to ease the scrutiny, when it only increased it.
Cast members and fans alike began digging into his claims, and with every inquiry, his case seemed to crumble. By the end of the season, it was clear that he had fabricated it – and that despite Vicki insisting she was a clueless enabler, at some point she became a willing accomplice.
This relationship shattered her friendships, her family, and her business. And Vicki defined herself by her entrepreneurial success. When her kids were fed up with her, when she was on the outs with her friends, when she was frustrated in her marriage, when she was drowning in envy and projection, her career was what she fell back on. It wasn’t just her pride and joy – it was her identity.
But after all that, she wasn’t the one to break up with him. He left her – kicking and screaming at that.
Once they broke up for good, she admitted, “I’ve never lived alone. I’ve never been alone. I’ve always been married or in a relationship…The night he moved out, I literally laid in the street crying, begging him not to go, and I’m like ‘I don’t care about your medical records, I don’t want you to leave, I know you’re sick.’…I wasn’t in on a cancer scam, I wasn’t in on a lie. But truly, to do it all over again, I would defend my man.”
To add insult to injury, and in a true indication of how he really felt about her, the same day he left her house, he blocked her on everything.
God could not have given Vicki more opportunities for a graceful exit. He couldn’t have been more clear about His will.
He closed the door, then he slammed the door, then he locked the door, then sealed it shut, before eventually burning down the building to prevent her from walking in.
Every time, it became more painful, more disgraceful, more humiliating. But what He closed, she opened, and what He locked, she picked, because she was more focused on what she thought she wanted for herself than what God wanted for her. And she paid dearly.
The Bible tells us over and over to trust God – probably because God knows just how difficult it is for us to do. And sometimes it can feel like He hasn’t earned it. When you feel like you’re doing the best you can and still unraveling under the weight of your life’s circumstances, it can feel absurd to be told to trust the same God that seems at best apathetic and at worst antagonistic. But while trusting Him may confuse us, frustrate us, and even break our hearts, trusting ourselves eventually destroys our lives. Trusting Him is hard, but ignoring Him is harder.
what do you think?