As the Nara Smiths and Ballerina Farms of the world rise in influence, and young women rediscover traditionally feminine pastimes through the likes of Martha Stewart, it should come as no surprise that homemaking is having its own renaissance.
Of course, there have always been women that prioritized the domestic domain, but as the “trad wife” trend has taken off, it seems like it’s moved from the margins of aspirational and idealized American womanhood, and back to the forefront.
Depending on how my algorithm is feeling on a given day (or how it thinks I’m feeling), I’m inundated with videos of beautiful women with beautiful homes, cooking beautiful meals and hosting beautiful parties.
And for the most part, I love it.
I get ideas and inspiration about how to improve myself, my home, my cooking, etc. But I think as our culture reverts to social conservatism, we fall into the trap of thinking that the way something looks is more important than what motivated it in the first place.
What I mean by that is, I think it’s good that more women are embracing their conventional duties. But without the right intentions, what’s positive on the surface can easily become sinister.
Social media is uniquely appealing in giving us a certain level of control over our image. It influences the way others see us, and it influences the way we see ourselves.
Insecure women will facetune, photoshop and AI edit their photos into oblivion, not just because they want to be thought of a certain way, but because they want to think of themselves a certain way. Unhappy couples will bombard their feeds with loving tributes, trying just as hard to convince the world of the strength of their relationship as they’re trying to convince themselves. People will broadcast exotic vacations, luxury cars and designer bags while drowning in debt, clinging desperately to both an external and internal perception entirely dependent on borrowed displays of wealth.
And likewise, some women turn their kitchens and dining rooms into sources of validation rather than vessels for hospitality, driven more by the pursuit of a perception than calling or creativity.
And I don’t say that from a place of judgment, I say that from a place of self awareness.
I love hosting. As soon as I got a place of my own I wanted to invite people in.
The first apartment I got by myself in the DC area was a 400 square foot studio, but I didn’t care. I did what I could with what I had to make people feel welcomed and cared for to the best of my ability.
A year later I moved to Florida, not knowing anyone, and the next month I was hosting a Friendsgiving, still in the process of putting the unit together.
All of that to say, hosting wasn’t something I gravitated to for applause or recognition, but as I received them, I found myself wanting more.
I’ve found myself considering buying overpriced contraptions that no one needs because I knew they could really “wow” my guests.
I’ve found myself wanting to splurge on completely superfluous menu items because they would look good in pictures.
I’ve found myself deliberating impractical purchases and projects that no one asked for, because I’d seen it on the internet and I knew it would impress people.
But most people don’t come to your house because they want to be impressed, they come to your house because they want to connect.
And when you’re too focused on winning a competition that you invented in your mind or living up to a persona you created on Pinterest, you can’t do that in a meaningful way.
The truth is, I’ve never had a perfect party. I always end up running behind schedule, or forget a dish in the oven while I’m showering, or realize I’m missing a critical ingredient with no time to spare. Of course, I want to refine my skills. But as I’ve grown in my relationship with God, I’ve learned to rejoice in what He’s allowed me to do for others even if I make mistakes in the process.
I want to be clear: I’m not saying that every woman baking pastries or tending chickens or arranging flowers online is doing it for the wrong reasons. I’m saying that as human beings, we have a persistent habit of doing the “right” things for the wrong reasons – and social media only exacerbates it.
If you’re recording yourself slaving over your sourdough, plucking fresh vegetables from your garden, or setting up for an intricate dinner because that’s what you enjoy doing, I encourage it. But if you’re doing it because you want the rest of the world to think of you a certain way, because you want praise from like-minded people, or because you feel like you have something to prove, it might be worth a pause before posting.
As Christians, we have to constantly investigate our incentives and search our hearts for God’s position in them, because when He’s not at the center, our vices take root, they grow like a tumor and they eventually destroy what once brought us delight.
The human heart is unfortunately and inherently corrupt, and therefore capable of corrupting activities and pastimes that we like to think of as wholesome by default.
It reminds me of a story I shared before about these hunters that would skip church during the season.
They took something that required discipline, skill and commitment…that empowered them to provide for their families…that allowed them to bond and create lifelong memories…and turned it into an idol.
Hunting itself was never wrong, but the posture behind it distorted it.
And homemaking is no different.
When we’re driven by ego or pride instead of service to others and glory to God, we plant beautiful trees that will eventually bear rotten fruit.
I love that women are finding purpose in their homes, but without an anchor in the eternal, this newfound femininity will be just as devoid of meaning as the career-obsessed feminism that came before it.
what do you think?