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Breaking Down The Ted Cruz Porn Tweet

As you may or may not have noticed, the blog has been exceptionally quiet lately. I could tell you that I have big things in the works, or I could tell you that I’ve been miserable and completely void of vision and purpose for the past few weeks. Maybe both are true, maybe neither are. You be the judge! But if there’s anything worth getting back to the grind for, it’s a Ted Cruz porn scandal and an opportunity to defend my favorite senator.

Here’s what we know and what I’m speculating:

  • Around 1am this morning, there was a degenerate video discovered in Ted Cruz’s likes. Twitter broke soon after.
  • “Sexual” could be confused for many words. Saxaphone. Sandal. Maybe someone didn’t have their contacts in and ended up on a page called “sexuallposts” by accident. Who can be sure?
  • Ted Cruz’s twitter account is run by interns. Some of the best social media interns that politics has seen, might I add. Ted Cruz’s team of genius interns has roasted Deadspin, the New York Times, and really the world as we know it with their 140 character clap-backs. They have done so much for Twitter as a community and deserve our praise and admiration for banger after banger that they have carefully constructed and beautifully executed.
  • Interns are overworked and very tired. They work ridiculous hours and if they’re compensated at all, they’re paid in trident layers and the tears of their predecessors. Who are we to judge what these poor, exhausted children like (probably on accident) at 1 am on a Tuesday?
  • I didn’t watch the whole video, but it was my impression that the lady in the red shirt was on the phone with her husband before discovering the…um…”disturbance” in her home. I don’t know how the video plays out, but from what I saw no adultery takes place. Family values prevail!
  • The touch screen phone is a wild device. At times I’ve forgotten to lock my phone and have been holding it in my hand and been on the verge of sending a gibberish email to someone that tried to lure me into a pyramid scheme my freshman year of college. It’s entirely possible that this intern just happened to be holding their phone and accidentally like something without paying attention.
  • There is much weirder porn out there. I’m no expert, and I didn’t watch the whole video, but I think it would be wrong not to acknowledge how much more depraved and disgusting the liked video could have been. We can’t take this for granted, people. How #shook would you be knowing that there was a Ted Cruz intern jerking his turkey to foot stuff? Or like…anime?
  • DC interns are generally very attractive people. This young man is probably in a relationship with some girl a million miles away from him and instead of betraying young Bethany’s trust like a typical swamp rat, what is he doing? Adjusting his antenna and going to bed. Good for him, and good for Bethany.

In all seriousness, I watched the Hot Girls Only documentary on Netflix so I’m actually pretty woke when it comes to the porn industry. Porn not only has the potential to be destructive and life ruining for its stars, but its consumers. I think we have to have more honest discussions about what porn is doing to young men, because as uncomfortable as a conversation as it is, it’s extremely important. But porn can also sometimes just be porn, and as long as it doesn’t involve kids or animals I don’t care what gets interns hot and bothered.

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1 COMMENT
  • A. Bye
    10 months ago

    THE COVER PAGE FOR THE TWITTER ACCOUNT IS 4 NAKED GIRLS! You don’t need contacts to see that.

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