8 Fictional & Actual Taken L’s Still Less Embarrassing Than DWS’s Resignation

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As hectic and disappointing of an election as it’s been, it’s been a relatively great week to be a conservative. The DNC was exposed for being the corrupt, conniving panderers that we always knew they were and Deborah Wasserman Schultz has not only been permanently disgraced, but hired by Hillary Clinton’s campaign. Here are 8 all time L’s taken that still dull in comparison to that of DWS and the DNC this week.

CADY HERON’S HOUSE PARTY

Will any of us ever forget the cringe-inducing second hand embarrassment that we felt when Cady threw her first house party in Mean Girls, planning to make a move on apple of her eye and ex-boyfriend of her arch nemesis, Aaron Samuels, only to humiliate herself and alienate everyone that actually cared about her? I know I won’t. I still get nightmares about it if we’re being honest.

ALMOST ANYTHING THAT AMY SCHUMER OR LENA DUNHAM HAVE EVER DONE

They really speak for themselves. It’s almost impressive.

MARCO RUBIO’S NEW HAMPSHIRE EPISODE

During a crucial debate just days before the New Hampshire primary, Chris Christie called Marco Rubio out for repeating the same mantras but offering little substance or actual solutions, and as much as I dislike Marco, I don’t think that was a fair or accurate accusation. All politicians- including the ones on that stage- say things over and over. They’re trying to get their points across and curate an image for voters. But Marco Rubio’s response was quite literally the fourth or fifth encore of the same line about “dispelling once and for all the fiction that Barack Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing,” and there couldn’t have been a worse time for it.

“I WANT TO FORGIVE YOU, AND I WANT TO FORGET YOU”

While I wasn’t exactly a faithful, dedicated watcher of The Hills, I was as basic as anyone else in high school, and couldn’t resist some good old fashioned melodramatic reality television, as if there was any shortage of melodrama in my actual life. Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag’s best friendship was ended by the infamous Spencer Pratt after he began dating Heidi, and spread a rumor about a sex tape involving Lauren and her boyfriend at the time. As much as Lauren and Heidi tried to repair their friendship, at the end of the season in an epically exaggerated sit-down, Lauren uttered the famous last words.

WHEN MAXIMUS KILLED COMMODUS AT THE END OF GLADIATOR

I love action, I love underdogs, and I love Greek/Roman storylines, so naturally, Gladiator is one of my favorite movies. If you haven’t seen it, skip this paragraph, get your life in order, and go watch it. Russel Crowe plays the part of Maximus, a Spanish general in the Roman army. When the emperor’s son murders and secedes his father and Maximus refuses to pledge loyalty to him, the new emperor, Commodus, attempts to have him and his entire family murdered. Maximus escapes and returns home only to find that it was too late to save his wife and son. He is kidnapped by traders and turned into a gladiator (basically a slave WWE fighter but with actual death). After gaining the adoration of all of Rome as the most notorious Gladiator, Commodus agrees to fight Maximus. But before the fight while Maximus is completely defenseless and bound in captivity, Commodus stabs him in an effort to secure his own victory, only to still die at the hands of Maximus. It gets better every time I watch it.

WHEN NEW YORK CAME IN SECOND PLACE AFTER HER SECOND TIME ON FLAVOR OF LOVE

Flavor of Love was easily some of the best reality television in the history of reality television. There was an almost perfect balance of trashiness and theatrics that no reality TV show has reached since, in my opinion. A bunch of strippers, dental assistants and Popeyes store managers claimed to actually be in love with a retired rapper that looked like a Slim Jim. The most memorable of these contestants was Tiffany Pollard, or “New York.” She was a forced to be reckoned with if there ever was one. At the end of first season when it came down to New York and Hoopz, Flavor Flav chose Hoopz. Things didn’t work out between them though, and season 2 was born. New York returned first as a judge of the new round of girls, then reentered the competition, only to be snubbed on the last episode once again. It was iconically tragic.

CHRIS CHRISTIE BEING SNUBBED FOR VP PICK

Chris Christie acted as Trump’s lapdog for months on end, jumping when he said jump, shutting up when he said shut up, and going home when he said go home. Chris Christie humiliated himself for months on end, gunning for the VP slot. It’s reported that just hours leading up to the running mate announcement, Christie was still trying to make his case. Sad!

TAYLORGATE

This list would be incomplete, of course, without mentioning the recent controversy surrounding Taylor Swift, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Following the release of Kanye’s “Famous,” Taylor has been playing the victim to the public, acting completely shocked and disgusted by the lyrics that reference her. Little did she know, when Kanye called her asking for her approval of the lyrics, there were cameras rolling in his studio, and Kim, being the professional attention whore that she is, strategically waited to release the videos at the time that they would do the most damage. Taylor was disgraced, and offered a weak, unimpressive excuse for her actions.

All of these L’s were taken, and yet are nearly as hilariously mortifying as Debbie Wasserman Schultz being forced to resign from her position as chair of the Democratic National Committee after her arrogant behavior during the RNC.

JULY 26, 2016

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