I had been 21 for less than a week when I learned that I might have cancer

When you’re young, you like to believe that you’re invincible, and that there won’t be any real consequences for your actions. You like to believe that you can eat what you want, drink as you please and experiment with your sobriety at your own discretion without real life rearing its ugly head.

I had been 21 for less than a week when I learned that I might have cancer. Not in the “google your symptoms and give yourself a panic attack on WEB MD way,” the serious, uncomfortable conversation with your doctor way.

And I learned that if I did, I had no one but myself to blame. The symptoms I was experiencing weren’t freak occurrences, they were the result of my lifestyle. My immediate reaction was, of course, to get piss drunk in the middle of the day.

I lived in anxious ignorance for over a month, with appointment after appointment being made, and seemingly getting no closer to any solid answers. For a while, I tried to drink less. But as time went on, I figured, if I have cancer, I already have it, and if I really do have cancer, I need to make the most of the time that I have left as a normal college student with eyebrows and hair and a phenomenally rotund ass.

Sometimes, I didn’t think about it. Other times, it was all I thought about. I can barely get an assignment in on time, how am I supposed to balance school with cancer? How am I going to explain this to my friends and family? How are my clothes going to fit after I lose all of that weight?

I don’t like being the center of attention, and I don’t like bumming people out. Party pooping isn’t a hobby of mine. I wasn’t raised to just openly and nonchalantly talk about or express my feelings. I ended up telling 4 of my friends. The last two people I told were my roommates because I didn’t want anything to get weird in our suite or be treated differently. It never seemed like the right time. “Ha ha ha ha, what a hilarious joke! Btdubbs, I might have cancer and I’m slowly but surely losing my shit.” “Hey, I see you’re curling your hair and taking shots getting ready for the night, so I figured it would be as good a time as ever to tell you I might be dying.”

It was a long, lonely process. It felt like my life was paused, but everything kept moving around me, and as much as I tried to bring myself to speed with the world around me, I couldn’t, because I had no idea what was going to happen when I pressed play again, and I was petrified. Would I go back to partying every weekend, hoping to run into my crush on campus and pulling all nighters, or was I going to have to start chemotherapy and buy wigs?

The moral of this story is to enjoy your youth but handle with caution. Make the most of this precious time that you have in your life before you’re paying back student loans, but remember that you are human, and biology applies to you like it applies to everyone else. We all joke about it not being alcoholism until we graduate, and our diets of Dominos and ramen noodles, but it’s important for us to realize and understand the risks we put ourselves in and be more conscious about our health. When you’re going through something like this, everyone tells you “it’s going to be okay” and for me, it was, but every day, more and more teenagers and 20 somethings are having their lives turned upside down by diseases they thought they were too young to get.



what do you think?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


  • “All of us have bad luck and good luck. The man who persists through the bad luck, who keeps right on going, is the man who is there when the good luck comes, and is ready to receive it.” — Robert Collier
#dametraveler #wearetravelgirls #girlslovetravel #darlingescapes #girlsvsglobe #outdoorwomen #girlsthatwander #femmetravel #travelingchicas #shetravels #travelgirldiary #girlsjustwannatravel #sheisnotlost #sheexplores #ladiesgoneglobal #girlsborntotravel #explorerbabes #girlsabroad #girlaroundtheworld #thetravelwomen #travelpic #forahappymoment #finditliveit #exploreeverything #neverstopexploring #adventurethatislife #puntacana #hardrockpuntacana #hotellife
  • “You’ll never get a job because of your blog” - a Bitch that was cold while I was horseback riding on the beach
  • Carbs don’t count if they’re not in English...duh
  • Say what you will about my president but if his majesty starts posting thirst traps the kardashians are over 😫🍑🎂💯👀
  • “Wow it sucks that your job only took you to Punta Cana for a weekend”

The same people wondering why they’re so miserable are the same ones trying to find something negative to say about a free vacation lol. Good things happen to those who are grateful
  • Not gonna lie, both of these pictures bother me a lot and I was tempted to edit and had a lowkey nervous breakdown looking at them and I’m not saying that for disingenuous sympathy “ur perf” comments but bc it’s real and I caught myself and even though we all are projecting curated versions of our lives on here to an extent we can at least make a choice to what degree we participate in fake toxic 🐃💩. Also while some people might not understand why these pictures are so upsetting to me, when you know what your body is capable of and how far below that standard you are I believe it’s completely normal and healthy to be disappointed in yourself and want to do better. But if you’re going to edit your body in pics it should be with diet and exercise not Facetune and filters. So hopefully posting bikini pics will suck less in the summer lol
  • 11/10 would return
  • Wow crazy how hating me just gets you 12 likes on a subliminal fb status and being friends with me gets you free all inclusive trips to the Caribbean lol
%d bloggers like this: