Your slutty friend
As a general rule of thumb, sluts rule. They’re fun, they know how to have a good time, and they’re usually one of your less judgmental friends. They have the best stories to tell, and even if you aren’t one of their kind, you usually end up having some of the most for the books nights traveling with sluts. As long as they aren’t one of those that are always complaining about things that don’t matter like double standards and slut shaming, they truly are a gift, and need to be appreciated.
Your friend with their shit together
This is the friend that graduated early with an impressive job lined up, that you have a love/hate relationship with because of how often they make you hate yourself. No one actually believes they’re a hundred percent human because of how suspiciously perfect they are. They work out, they eat healthily, they save their money, and they always make dean’s list. As annoying as they can be and as much as they can make you want to swallow a gallon of ice cream and nap, we all need friends like these. If you’re lucky, this friend will call you out on your BS and tell you to sack up and get it together. Even if they don’t, these are the friends that motivate you to do better.
Your hot mess friend
This is the friend that makes you feel better about yourself after hanging out with the friend mentioned above. They’re the friends that you could call at 2pm on a Tuesday that you know wouldn’t hesitate to get trashed with you. For all you know, they’re trashed already. No matter how smart or talented this friend is, they never seem to have it quite together, and on the rare occasions they do, it’s not together for long. While you should encourage your friends to be the best they can be, life wouldn’t be the same without friends like these.
That one professor that you want to adopt you
Everyone has at least one professor that changes their lives. Whether it was their teaching or their kindness, every once in a while, you don’t mind that you’re in debilitating debt to pay their salaries.
Your friend with a worldview that’s the polar opposite of yours
As much as you may have contemplated blocking this friend on social media, at the end of the day, you love them, and you’re a better person for knowing them. Maybe you can’t watch political debates together, but that won’t stop you from getting iHop together at 3am or sneaking into a Weeknd concert. Friendships like these are what make this country great, and frankly, we need a lot more of them. If more people could learn to respect people they disagree with, we’d all be much better off.
Your significant other
If you have a boo- especially during the holidays- you should be thanking God, Buddha and the ghost of Reagan because you are one lucky bastard. I would absolutely love to be panicking trying to figure out what to wear to thanksgiving at bae’s house and what kind of champagne to bring so that I seem classy but not like I’m trying too hard. I would also love to kiss in front of the giant Christmas tree downtown. Alas, that’s not in the stars for me this year. Be grateful, bitches.
Your less significant other
If you have a boo thang that you can count on for Netflix and chill and some free food every once in a while, you should also be grateful. It may not be what you want, but we’ve got a long winter ahead of us, and you’re better off with a part time boo than being full time lonely. Kinda. I think. Probably not actually….whatever.
Your friend in the military
As much as you’re probably looking forward to throwing back a few with your friend, and as much as they’re probably looking forward to that as well, you’re friend isn’t the same person they were, and sometimes, what they think about at night is likely infinitely more serious than anything you are. Defending the free world is a lot more than the badass pics in helicopters and tanks they put on Instagram. Think about the serious sacrifice that they’ve made, and genuinely appreciate it. Make it known that you’re there for them.
Your very bitchy/politically incorrect friend
In a world growing increasingly censored and politically correct, your blunt, bitchy friend is one to be cherished. These days someone that’s willing to call a duck a duck and tell that duck to park its ass by the lake where it belongs is hashtag rare.
Clearly, this goes without saying, but I felt like the list would be incomplete without it. Parents make mistakes just like their kids do, and no matter how many daddy or mommy issues you have, we’re all being the best that we know how to be, and as wrong as your parents may have got it at times, they are probably the only people that would take a fatal bullet for you. Give them a break.
Do you ever really think about what the world would be like without janitors? Do you think about the strange ungodly combinations of liquids and solids they deal with? Especially on college campuses? And is it just me, or are janitors usually really nice and usually in good moods? They really don’t get enough credit.
I know you’re probably tired of your friends that work in retail complaining about the holidays, but they’re the ones working with your hysterical mom to find the out of order Kate Spade purse that she waited two days before Christmas to buy, and the ones working ridiculous shifts to make sure you can shop at midnight because you were just too busy to buy a loofa at a reasonable hour.
As rough as a breakup as it may have been or as confused and lost as it may have left you, there’s a lesson in every ex, whether it’s an ex lover or ex friend, and that’s something to be grateful for.